Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Lockout is OVEERR!!

Get Gooned Up!!
           Is it just me, or has this been the longest and most uneventful off-season in the history of the NFL? I feel like normally, by this point in the summer, we are all up to our ears in training camps, trade rumors, and injury reports. Everyone has their checkbooks out and they geared up for season tickets and Fantasy Football. This year just feels weird doesn't it? I have not had a good NFL discussion with anyone since the Super Bowl because with the lockout going on NOTHING has been happening. I mean sure, Rashard Mendenhall tweeted that he thinks 9/11 was a Michael Bay movie, Cedric Benson bounced his old roommates head off of a parking meter, and Braylon Edwards got a DUI at 'makeout point' with a dude riding shotgun...allegedly..but none of that really had much to do with football. That's all over with now. HALLELUJAH! And we can finally start getting into some analysis and start breaking this upcoming season down a bit, even if it is still riddled with about a million questions, those questions seem to be being rapidly addressed over the last couple of days. This post should help bring everyone up to speed. It's pandemonium out there at it looks like every NFL team is rushing to fill team needs and get players signed to they can get down to business and finally PLAY SOME DAMN FOOTBALL!
Maybe Rashard should have stuck to just pissing women off via Twitter...
       Even if you've been under a rock like me for last couple of months, you still probably know that NFL owners and the NFLPA have been having a monumental pissing contest over a reported 9 Billion dollars since the end of last season. While I'm sure money was the biggest factor in the Collective Bargaining Agreement negotiations, there were other issues that had to be sorted before the two sides could come to an agreement. Ownership (along with most NFL fans) wanted more games, and the players wanted less practice. It was a long and rocky road that seemed like it would never end. The fans weren't the only ones anxiously waiting in anticipation for the lockout to end. When we caught up with Bart Scott of the New York Jets last week we asked him about his thoughts on these talks reaching an amicable conclusion in the near future. He had this to say...

Thank you, Bart.
   
        At one point during this whole mess my friends and I even started talking about what we were going to do instead of football if the season was ultimately canceled. We came up with some pretty sweet ideas like building model airplanes, high-jacking real airplanes, huffing model airplane glue, high-jacking model airplanes, huffing real airplanes, and jousting.
That's me on the left..high as a kite.
       But alas, for Bart Scott and the rest of the NFL, the wait is over. They seemed to have worked things out, and everything is starting to fall into place..sort of. Here are some of the interesting situations making headlines around NFL that don't have anything to do with guns, domestic abuse, child support, or QBs getting their houses egged:
It would appear that Donovan McNabb is going to get one last shot at revitalizing his NFL career. This time it will with the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikes are apparently putting all of their eggs in one basket and have already traded away Tavaris Jackson (their current best option at QB in my opinion) as well as their star wide receiver Sidney Rice to the Seattle Seahawks. I for one am pulling for McNabb. They should have a deal done by today.
Nnamdi Asomugha is arguably the best CB in all of football right now, which means it's a great time for him to be a free agent. Teams besides the Raiders, who aren't smart enough to lock a player like this down, will be killing each other to get their hands on this guy in the next few days. The Jets are interested. (Can you imagine this cat with Revis Island on the other side of the field? Insanity.) So are the Buccanneers. And the Miami Heat. Here is a phonetic spelling for Mike Brown, should the Bengals miraculously decide to give this guy a call..Nahm-Dee Aso-MU-Wah. Sound it out.
Randy Moss is reportedly about to sign with the New York Jets. If Moss makes the start for them in week 1, this will make the Jets the 4th team that Moss has been utterly useless on in as many regular season months.
The Washington Redskins have signed WR Donte Stallworth to a short term contract. He hasn't really produced anything outside of his wrap sheet since about 2005. If you ask this reporter, Stallworth's days are numbered, and even a 1 year for him is getting away with murder...zing. 
The Tennessee Titans are rumored to be cutting QB Vince Young from their roster today if they can't negotiate some sort of trade for him. It's bad news for Young, but in the plus column, from now on when he's throwing his hat at innocent bystanders, ripping off his jersey, pounding a bottle of liquor, or crying on a bench, it won't be national news. Just give him a dollar and keep walking.
It looks like 49ers RB Frank Gore aka The Inconvenient Truth, will opt to hold out this season if he isn't offered a new contract. Since he's the only player on the 49ers offense, I'm sure they have plenty of cap room. Normally I can't stand it when millionaire football stars hold out for more money, but Gore has always been a favorite player of mine (mostly because of that badass nickname) In this picture he is seen doing what he so often does to bad teams like my Cincinnati Bengals. A picture is worth a thousand words. Or in some cases, a few million smackaroos.
And speaking of the Bengals...Let's get in to some local stuff. Shall we?

One thing that hasn't changed on TroxTalk since Season 1 is that this guys still makes me want to attack my own jugular with a wooden skewer.
I'm in way too good of a mood and I'm having way too much fun kicking off the new season to even acknowledge this guy or the rage I feel towards him. Just watch the interview linked above if you want to feel my pain.
One bright spot in Bengaldom (if there is such an animal) for the upcoming season is that it would appear that after 2 years of Quiznos and injury, Andre Smith is almost back to his college weight of 325lbs for this season. If this is true maybe he won't continue to fracture his foot every time steps on a treadmill this year. The Bengals need this guy to lose his "draft bust" status immediately.
For Chad Ocho Cinco bull riding wasn't the only off-field shenanigan during the lockout. He also, praised the city of Cincinnati and it's fans, while constantly bad mouthing his head coach Marvin Lewis on Twitter. I guess he is trying to stay in our good graces because he remembers the backlash from his fans the last time he was trying to get out of town a few years ago. I think ultimately the Bengals will cut him or trade him. Chad has one year left on his deal, and if he gets injured or something, he won't be worth as much after the season. I respect the Ocho's work in the community and his charitable donations. I don't respect the number of times he has Tweeted so incessantly about nothing, that I almost had to delete him. That is a metaphor for his relationship with this town. He can be annoying and his antics get really old, but in the end he was a good guy who did things the right way for the most part, and we will all miss his crazy ass..even if some people think the Bengals are better off without him.
For those of you in the Nati still holding out hope for a CP9 return. You can stop now.  After a handful of the shittiest Bengal fans who ever existed vandalized Carson's home..where his children sleep..he decided that maybe it's time for him to move on and I don't blame him one bit. Sure he's had some shaky times as a Bengal, but there aren't exactly any better options beating our door down at the moment. Last night the Bengals picked up Raiders backup QB Bruce Gradkowski..he's serviceable at best, but the 3 quarterbacks already on the Bengals roster have a combined zero NFL starts...Do you think if I take back that homeless joke from earlier, Vince Young might consider coming to the rescue? It's going to be a long season.
      Well kids, I told you Season 2 was coming back with a bang, and I think I delivered. I will continue to deliver tomorrow with my Preseason Power Rankings, but I think that's enough to wet your whistle for now. As always the twitter is @troxtalk. The email is trox@troxtalk.com. Feel free to berate me like you always do for being too hard on the Bengals. OR better yet give me my damn props and welcome me back to the blogosphere. Either way, I hope you had some fun with it. I sure did.

                                                                  Warmest Regards,
                                                                   Trox Florio

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