I'm upset by the murder of Leiby Kletzky.
We've had an empty nest all week. Our boys have been visiting relatives in Fresno. They'll be back today, but we've missed them. Sure, the downtime from the kids has been nice. The house is clean as a whistle. We had an open house on Sunday. My wife and I detailed everything. Here's the kitchen yesterday afternoon. A few items on the counter, but there's no usual mess from a full day of family cooking and hanging out, with clothes and toys strewn all about:
My wife hadn't heard of Leiby's death. I mentioned it to her when we went out last night to
Yogurt Land. She reminded me of the report over the 4th of July weekend of the 6-year-old boy who was allegedly raped after his mother let him
use the restroom alone at Rio Hondo Park in Pico Rivera. It looks like a nice park. No doubt the mom felt safe. In Brooklyn, families have to be asking questions, so many questions. As the
New York Times reported earlier:
Suddenly, an Orthodox Jewish community that had blanketed streets and subway stations with missing-child posters, that had promised a six-figure reward, had to face the devastating reality: Leiby was dead, and the suspect was also Jewish, living not far away. His death also forced parents, not just in Borough Park but across the city, to wonder, to speculate, to second-guess themselves: Was it one of those headline-grabbing tragedies that could have been avoided? When is a child ready to go it alone, anyway?
My wife and I agree that our youngest son, who's almost 10, is nowhere near ready to "go it alone," so to speak. And my wife worries about our high-schooler, who walks by himself to and from school. We live in the Irvine Unified School District, and it's safe here. But no need to get a false sense of security. No one can predict when a crime might take place, and when one does people ask, "How could this have happened"? Well, yeah. How? But it's too late by then. The
Wall Street Journal had something on this yesterday, "
After Leiby Kletzky Murder, Urging Parents to Keep Calm." It's an interview with Hara Estroff Marano of
Psychology Today. I can't imagine how this is reassuring:
The Wall Street Journal: Most parents’ first reaction to a story like this is to reassess–and in many cases, ratchet back–the independence they give their kids. What should be guiding their thinking right now?
Hara Estroff Marano: The very fact that this is such a rare event should get some consideration in their mind. One reason people are talking about it is because it’s so strikingly unusual. It’s within a particular community… this is a very insolated incident. I don’t know there are really lessons for outsiders here at all, because we don’t yet know all the details. So any reassessment should focus on the rarity of the event. This is just not something that’s likely to happen very often.
The first reaction is ‘oh my god I can’t let my kid walk down the street.’ No, look at the situation. Instead of saying ‘no you can’t cross the street,’ you say, ‘here, I’ll watch you cross the street’ and watch them a few times, then let them do it alone.
Keep reading.
It's sounds so logical and reasonable. Whereas fears and love aren't. I think parents need to go with their instincts, especially if they've got young kids. A couple more years of hovering ain't gonna harm a child. Frankly, in this day and age, I think families let kids off the leash a bit too early anyway.
