Rock Talk Part 3: Less Than Trox

       Part 1 and Part 2 of this Trox Talk mini series were designed to establish a little bit of my rock-n-roll street cred, and give you guys a bit of insight into just how passionate I am about music and much I love going to shows! This won't be the last Rock Talk I do, but it is the conclusion to this particular series. I have tons more of my adventures to share, but after this it's time to switch things up again for a bit for now. This final, and most recent chapter, is about the demise of all of my clout I have been shamelessly bragging to you about for the past week in one fell swoop...
      It had been a few months since my last show, and I had the itch. You grow up, get bills, work a nine-to-five (or six), and unfortunately in most cases, the things you hold dear tend to fall by the wayside. I was starting to notice at around age 25 or so that the crowds at these things were starting to get younger, and the magic of the bands I used to get so amped up about was beginning to subside. My friends, the fans, the bands, and myself were all getting old together. Many of the crazy over-the-top antics and speedy riffs were being replaced by bitter washed up old men who should have put their shirts back on a long time ago. It seems to have become a rule that bands I used to love have started falling short of my expectations (if not completely sucking all together). Less Than Jake, in my eyes, is the exception to that rule.

No matter what style of music you normally get behind...

You'd be wise to pick both of these old school LTJ releases!

      In my storied show attending career I've probably seen LTJ about 15 times. They always rock. ALWAYS. They are still the upbeat, funny, smart asses that they have always been. Their old music still kicks ass, and their new stuff never disappoints. Less Than Jake is one of the few bands out there that seems to have stuck with me since the very beginning. From the time I began to understand what I truly loved about music they have been one of my very favorite acts to catch. They played this past Wednesday at the Mad Hatter in Covington and there was no way in hell my friends and I were going to miss it! We bought tickets months in advance, and had all been losing sleep at the idea of recapturing some of the glory of our youth. When the evening of the show arrived we crushed our 5 Hour Energies and made our way to Kentucky.

This isn't an ad, but I try to toss back a black label whenever I have important matters to attend to.

     We purposely got to the show late, so as not to have to suffer through the typically horrendous opening bands, of which there were three on this particular night. They are usually Wal-Mart versions of the headliner that incessantly pimp their merchandise and yell things like "YOU GUYS READY TO SEE LESS THAN JAKE!?!" whenever the crowd inevitably starts to lose interest. As I've gotten older, I've realized that about 1 out of every 10 bands I see for the first time is actually memorable, and those just aren't good enough odds for me. It just so happened that the show got a late start and my crew and I were tortured with anticipation through the opening sets despite our best efforts to avoid them.
     Finally it was time for Less Than Jake and from the onset we were all 18 again! It was surreal. Moshing around, skank dancing, and getting as sweaty and gross as a person could get. We rushed the stage when they started to play and never looked back. There was a girl who was about 4 feet tall directly in front of me who was just the right height to elbow me in the nuts every time the music picked up, and even though I thought I might faint from the pain in my loins there was no way I was going to move back or stop smiling. The crowd was insane. LTJ was cranking out the jams one after another. "Great American Sharpshooter", "Nervous in the Alley", and "All My Best Friends are Metalheads" just to name a few. I was elated!

 Just for some perspective, this was about my vantage point. Obviously not the same show, and Michael J Fox is working the camera, but you get the idea...

      This was how it's supposed to feel every time you throw down money for a show. Complete satisfaction. Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any more awesome (and they didn't), we arrived at a break in the action. They just released a cover album entitled  TV/EP which Roger, the bassist described as "What happens when you smoke a lot of weed and get writers block in the studio" or something to that effect. It contains some classic favorites like "Toys R Us Kid", "Boss of Me" from Malcom in the Middle, and it even has the them from "Animaniacs" on it. It's a fun an entertaining little selection, but when they randomly started playing a few of the themes so the kids getting crushed in the front could breathe for a second, catastrophe struck...

I let out a big ol' one of these...When did that 5 hour become a 1.5 Hour Energy?!

        It was somewhere around midway through the "Scooby Doo" song. You could have fit a basketball in my mouth, or if I had my way at that moment, a shotgun. This is my blog so I could sit here and defend myself til the cows come home if I wanted to, but that seems futile. I will say that I was the designated driver, and I had been up since about 6am. I didn't find the show tunes particularly thrilling (though much of the crowd did). Speaking of not being thrilled, as if by some sort embarrassing voodoo, when my gigantic yawn had finished and I opened my eyes, they were met by every single person on stage... They all stopped what they were doing, the entire crowd fell silent, and at the exact same time Roger and I exclaimed in perfect unison, "You have got to be shitting me!" Only we said it for two totally different reasons..

Dammit. 

       To my horror, I already knew what was coming...Less Than Jake is notorious for being super sarcastic and having a laugh at the expense of unsuspecting fans in the crowd. So, I got berated..by the whole band...

"Seriously dude!? (Oh damn. Oh shit. Oh no.)  

Did you just fucking yawn?! (Can I say no?) 

You can't possibly be serious! (I agree. Please, God deliver me.) 

Are we boring you up here, man? (They weren't) 

Nice Goldfinger shirt! Would you yawn at Goldfinger? (They seemed legit pissed). 

Get your ass up here, we're gonna make you take a shot of Jagermeister to wake your dumb ass up! (Funny, I could use a drink, under other circumstances) 

C'mon I'm serious.Get up here so we can go on with the show and not have you yawning at us! 

(No way I'm telling them I'm the DD...)"

Someone was kind enough to photograph me taking my lumps. Mortified.

         I was treated as a leper, or some other form of social pariah for the remainder of the show...Even the smelly hippo chicks in the pit wouldn't come anywhere near me. After the show, I had about 10 texts from friends in the crowd who witnessed my shameful crucifixion. Let this be a lesson to us all. There is no faster way to lose your years of accumulated punk rock swagger than being by called out by Less Than Jake for being sleepy.

                                                                                                                                                     Warmest Regards,

                   

                            Trox

P.S. I hope you all enjoyed Rock Talk and having a bit of a laugh at my expense. As I was leaving the show I thanked Roger for the shot and he laughed a little. I can only hope that maybe he was just having some fun with me because he recognized me from one of times I come to see them over the last 10 years or so...but I doubt it. Tune in next time when I take my first ever crack at a movie review...You aren't going to believe this flick.